Insanity

I once heard or read that insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different outcome (Einstein, I think?).

I read on our training schedule today that not only am I in the first group to peer teach a yoga class (in, um, 3 days), but I am also doing my presentation that day. Rational Alice looks at this and says "ok, short end of the stick but you can't lose your day off because of it so just do it." But emotional Alice is stressing, and already feeling nervousness and anxiety... Just like the Einstein quote then, why is it that, even though I know it's okay if I make a mistake, and that it's a safe environment with lots of support, and that even though I get nervous on a stage or in front of large groups of people, I know I always find it in me to do my best and the outcome is that it is just fine... that I let myself get worked up beforehand just thinking about what needs to be done even though I know that worrying won't change anything? Why do we regress to ways we know how to (re)act even if they don't serve us? How do we get over those behaviours, thoughts and feelings and just channel it into energy that does serve us?

I mean seriously. It's not until Sunday and I'm sitting here with a lump in my throat. Wha?! C'mon. Who has a background in theatre? I've gotten so comfortable being inside me that it's making me vulnerable to have to get out of that comfort zone.

On a totally related and unrelated note, I was thinking of doing this as spoken word for the 'talent show'. It's so beautiful and I see myself in it.